EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing)
Some memories don't stay where they belong. Instead of settling into the past, they stay activated — a smell, a tone of voice, or a certain kind of conflict can suddenly put you right back in an old moment, with all its original intensity.
EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (guided eye movements or alternating taps) to help your brain finally process memories that got "stuck" during a traumatic or overwhelming experience. It's not about talking through every detail of what happened — often the opposite. Many clients are surprised by how much shifts without having to narrate the whole story out loud. The goal is for the memory to become just that — a memory — rather than something your body still reacts to as if it's happening now.
IFS (Internal family systems)
Have you ever noticed that part of you wants one thing while another part of you is doing everything possible to avoid it? IFS starts from the idea that this isn't a contradiction — it's normal. We're all made up of different "parts," each formed to protect us at some point, each carrying its own feelings, fears, and roles.
Some parts hold onto old pain. Others work overtime to protect us from ever feeling that pain again — sometimes at real cost to our present-day relationships and peace of mind. In IFS, we get curious about these parts rather than fighting them. As you build a relationship with the parts of you that feel stuck, exiled, or overly protective, real integration becomes possible — not by silencing any part of yourself, but by finally leading from a calmer, more grounded center.
EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED THERAPY & RELATIONAL LIFE THERAPY (EFT & RLT)
Many couples find themselves trapped in the same negative cycle — a "dance" that keeps repeating no matter what the specific fight is about. One partner pursues, the other withdraws. One criticizes, the other shuts down. Viewed through an attachment lens, this cycle isn't really about the dishes or who said what — it's about disconnection, and the fear underneath it.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps a couple see this negative dance clearly and understand it as the shared enemy — not either partner individually. Rather than assigning blame, EFT externalizes the pattern itself, which opens the door to real compassion for what's actually driving each partner's behavior.
Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real, works alongside this by looking at each partner's individual stance inside the dance — the specific move each person makes to protect themselves: control, withdrawal, retaliation, or shutting down entirely. RLT asks each partner to take honest responsibility for their own part of the pattern, without either person losing themselves in the process or accepting responsibility for the other's behavior.
Together, these approaches work at both levels — the cycle you're both caught in, and what each of you is individually doing inside it. The goal isn't just fewer arguments. It's understanding each other again, and finding your way back to being fully present with one another.
The Gottman Method
Some couples' work benefits from structure, not just conversation — a clear picture of exactly where things stand before diving into what to change. The Gottman Method begins with a thorough assessment of your relationship, informed by decades of research into what actually predicts whether a couple thrives or drifts apart. From there, we work on very concrete skills: how to fight in a way that doesn't erode trust, how to rebuild intimacy and affection that's gone quiet, and how to develop the kind of communication that most of us were simply never taught growing up. It's practical, evidence-based work — useful whether you're in crisis or simply want to strengthen a relationship that's already good.